Billy McFuckface Maguire

Bio

["Meet the Heavy" text appears]

[The Heavy walks up to the camera and places Mini-gun on a cardboard box and sits down in a chair]

Heavy: "I am Heavy Weapons Guy...and this [grabs Mini-gun] is my weapon. [lays both hands covetously on Mini-gun] She weighs one hundred fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollar, custom-tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minute. [looks intently at viewer] It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon...for twelve seconds."

Heavy: [Laughs]

Heavy: [Checks the barrel of his Mini-gun] "Oh my God, who touched Sascha? Alright...Who touched my gun!?"

Heavy: "Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe, [sniff] maybe. I have yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."

Heavy: [Holds up cartridge to the camera as you hear the sound of the Mini-gun revving up]

[Heavy devastates the enemies with his Mini-gun on Dustbowl Stage 1 Cap 1]

[Team Fortress 2 Theme plays]

Heavy: "Waaaaahhhhh! Uwaaaaaaah! Ahahahahaha! Cry some more!"

Heavy: "Heheh, cry some more."

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays]